The Moods Series
by CrackedMetal
Summary: This is a collection of independent one-shots about what would happen if the Doctor used the different mood patches from New Earth. Martha and Donna will both be in some and i am open to suggestions about different moods to use. 1st up: Sleep & Honesty.
1. Sleep

**A/N Okay so thanks for giving this a chance and I hope everyone likes it. I'm doing a series of one-shots that aren't really a series but they are related to each other. I'm doing one one-shot about each mood and what might happen if the Doctor took the moods (from New Earth in Gridlock). So here is the first one, they'll all be in the same story so if you like this one review and alert it so you can read the next one... not sure when I'll do the others or how fast this will be updated.**

**Summary: The Doctor is in severe emotional pain and for once can't be strong. He wants to get away from the world and uses Sleep to do it. Set in the bit when the Doctor leaves Martha in her bedroom, before he comes back to do the whole thing with Lazarus.**

**Disclaimer: I own no rights to Doctor Who or any of its relevant spin offs.**

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SLEEP**

He was alone now, and alone was when he thought of it.

He had dropped Martha off, not giving her any indication or hope for his return, though Lazarus' words spiralled persistently at the forefront of his mind, nagging and eating away at his subconscious.

But at that moment he had neither the stability, nor the state of mind to listen to that part of himself.

His thoughts were chaotic as he crossed the console room of the TARDIS and laid a hesitant hand atop a small compartment none of his companions had ever noticed, nothing more than a flat, black box that was akin to one humans might expect to hold matches.

Within lay a tiny, completely unthreatening square of adhesive plastic, a single word inked in black writing that only added to the ominous nature the word itself presented when ones thoughts strayed down such a dangerous path.

His fingers trembled as he reached for it, remembering in a flash the look on the woman's face as he had asked for such a potent concoction, one that bordered on lethal.

He gently unstuck it from the bottom of its month long case, considering the consequences one last time.

The Time Lord's shoulders slumped and his whole being was almost sent careening onto the grating beneath his feet as all his repressed memories swam painfully through his head.

Old, beautiful Gallifrey shone in the rays of her two suns and the silver of the trees leaves glittered like sentient liquid as the children ran beneath it, immature joy not yet tainted by the teachings of the academy or the sight of the untempered schism.

Suddenly fire and terrifying bolts of blue energy rained through the orange sky and polluted the happy day. The glistening silver was obstructed by vicious, ugly flames and smoke as he heard, with poignant clarity, the shrill screams of those barely out of infancy crying as their lives, and those of their families, were stolen by the Daleks ruthlessness as they swarmed the sky.

He remembered the sight of the once perfect planet burning in fury and blood and war and his hearts stuttered as he recalled the very moment he made the choice that would mean the extinction of his own race and home.

Next came Canary Wharf. Flashes of blonde hair and blue eyes, a sweet voice screaming his name as he reached out to the only human he'd ever let so deep into his hearts as she slipped out of his life forever.

As the memory of recognition of the Daleks in Manhattan flashed behind his eyes he was sent to his knees and as the same severe pain he had felt when he realised they had survived while he had lost everything once again spiked in the centre of his chest his right hand raised up and pressed the square onto his neck with urgency, wishing with all his infuriated might and hopeless being that he would not wake up as his body went lax and crashed to the floor.

The TARDIS was silent, naught but a distant hum of mourning escaping the ships interior for her Doctors broken hearts.

It stayed that way for months as she wondered alone in the Time Vortex while he slept with only a single heart beating its unprotesting rhythm while the owner struggled against the patches effect as it diminished, not having escaped the world long enough and wanting nothing more than to stay blissfully oblivious to the world around him that had left him unknown, unwanted and unloved.

Finally, after what seemed to the old girl like a decade of solitude the Doctor opened his deep brown eyes to slits, looking out through heavy lids to discover himself in the same position he had unknowingly dropped into those months ago, his wish of being sent to oblivion having been ignored and forgotten.

He sat up and watched in utter disappointment as the plastic square peeled from his skin and dropped pathetically into his palm, its purpose gone, faded ink the only sign that all the chemicals inside had been exuded and absorbed into his system, not even a fraction of a drop left.

And as he realised that chemicals would always falter and fade, that he would always be needed by the selfishly helpless universe and that he would never escape the pain that constantly and never endingly plagued him, he cried.

**A/N Kay so yes? No? Sorry it was so short. Should I do the other ones? Please PLEASE review, I haven't been getting many reviews lately and it's making me sad :( Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed. The next one will probably be either forget or honesty and Martha will be in it.**

**Ta,  
Metal.**


	2. Honesty

**A/N Kay so chapter 2. Hope everyone likes this one.**

**Summary: The Doctor sees he's hurting Martha but also knows he can't do anything about it because he couldn't help being in love with Rose and missing her. So instead he decides to tell her everything she wants to know and do it in a way that she won't have any doubt he's telling the truth.**

**REALLY SORRY FOR ANY MISTAKES. THIS WAS WRITTEN QUICKLY AND HASN'T BEEN CHECKED YET SO I HOPE IT'S NOT TOO BAD!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any rights to Doctor Who etc.**

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**HONESTY**

Martha stared at the Doctor expectantly, leaning forward in the couch she was sitting in, elbows resting on her knees as he assumed the same position to the left of her.

They had just defeated the Daleks in Manhattan and after a much needed rest she had found herself facing a very serious, if not morose, Doctor. He had stood in her doorway and, in a number of uncharacteristically brief words, told her to get dressed and meet him in the TARDIS' library.

And so there they were, her watching him curiously as he reached for a little black box that lay on the wooden table that reminded her of Earth coffee tables, if not for the way the wood seemed to shift and rearrange its splinters.

Her eyes tracked his every move as the lid was flipped up and she couldn't suppress her gasp of surprise and distaste as he pulled out a piece of square plastic with one word printed across it. Her nose scrunched and she struggled to understand why he would have it on board after reacting so strongly the first time they had come upon them.

Her eyes rose once again to meet his, this time hers holding a deeply questioning look that bordered on accusation.

'Doctor what's going on?'

The Time Lord sat stoically for another moment, cupping the plastic in his powerful, and very slightly shaking, hand. He then pinched it between his index and thumb finger and held it up slightly, truly meeting her eyes for the first time since he had called her to this strange meeting.

'Martha, I know how you feel about me.' It was a simple statement, but one could have so many repercussions that it scared her. But as she went to protest his sure words he held his hand up in a gesture for silence.

'Just let me say this and then you can speak and decide what you want to do because for once this is going to be completely your decision.' She nodded silently, confused but eager to know what was coming.

She startled slightly when his nimble fingers peeled back one layer of the plastic and he slowly reached up and pressed it firmly to his neck, never once breaking her eye contact. His hand moved away and the word _Honesty _marked his neck in black ink and it held a frightening sense of finality to her.

'I haven't been fair to you Martha, and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry but... That isn't going to change, not ever. I'm selfish Martha, and as long as you stay with me this is how it's going to be. I loved Rose, I loved her more than anything,' his voice began to tremble with the force and conviction of his words and she almost gasped at the hidden glimmer of tears in his eyes. 'So I'm never going to be able to be what you want me to be... which is why I'm giving you this. This patch will last exactly half an hour and in that time I'm giving you the opportunity to ask whatever it is you want to know. I can't give you my love Martha, but I can give you this. And I'm sorry but this is all I can give you. After this conversation we won't speak of it again.' He paused for a second and his eyes burned even more intensely into hers. 'We won't speak of _her _again, do you understand?'

Martha swallowed deeply and nodded, mouth dry and mind racing with the questions she wanted to ask, all at the same time as her asking herself if she really wanted to know the answers.

'Then ask whatever it is you want to know, about anything and I'll have to answer you. After you can decide whether or not you still want to stay with me.'

She looked down at her lap then up at him inquisitively then, seeing the sadness of being left alone in his eyes. 'Do you want me to go?'

He let out a watery chuckle. 'No, of course not.'

She let out a sigh of relief from the breath she didn't even realise she had been holding. 'What do you want then Doctor?'

He rubbed his hands over his face and sniffed loudly, letting them take their natural progression through his hair, mussing it up even worse than before. 'I want your friendship Martha, just like I always have, with everyone I travel with.'

'How many people have you traveled with?'

The Doctor raised a curious eyebrow at her. These were not the kind of questions he had expected, built they were much easier than what he had so he most definitely wasn't going to complain.

'34.' He stated simply.

Her eyes widened just a fraction and once again he was shocked at his companions lack of thought. He was rather confused when they kept telling him that was so many, too many, different people to have travel with you. And yet he thought 34 in the space of his 900 years was hardly any.

'Right then... So, was Rose the only one you've ever, you know, loved?' She became awkward the moment the other girls name was out from between her lips, the pain instantly back in the mysterious mans eyes and his posture once again becoming rigid.

And there is was, just what he was expecting.

'There were one or two others I came close to... feeling things for but none of them came close to what I felt for Rose.'

Her name escaped his lips just slightly softer than all his other words, like a reverent prayer he was afraid of saying out loud, like it carried some form of taboo on it.

'So you loved her then?' She had to be sure.

The lump in his throat prevented him from answering this time so he simply nodded, hands clasping together and clenching tightly, the skin around his knuckles turning white with the strain.

There was a moment of silence, contemplation, and then; 'Is she dead? Were you lying when you said she was happy with her family?'

With what appeared to be great effort he opened his mouth once again to speak. 'No, I wasn't lying. She's alive, with her family, though I don't know how happily.' At her confused expression he elaborated more, eyes drifting distantly as his mind got lost in memories of beach, tears and words; some of which would never be taken back and were his fondest of memories, some others that were never said but had more right to be than any others. 'She's trapped, in a parallel universe and the walls between the universes are closed and there's no going back or coming through. The last time I ever saw her we couldn't touch. She told me she loved me and I couldn't do anything but watch her cry.'

His head bowed and his hands clutched at his hair, pulling slightly as if in an effort to forcefully extract the images and memories from his head.

Martha fought tears and yet even as she felt sorry for him she felt resent well up in her now that she knew, without a doubt, that she would never get what she wanted from this, admittedly broken, but brilliant man.

She looked away from him for a moment to the clock and realised they had only been talking for ten minutes. Technically she still had twenty more at her disposal.

But as she looked back at the man in front of her she knew she couldn't do this anymore, couldn't hurt him anymore by dragging all this up. She knew enough about him to know that he wouldn't want her to see him like this.

She stood from her place and walked to the door, doubting he had even noticed her movement, too lost inside himself to care anymore. She turned back at the doorway, unable to resist.

'Just two more Doctor. Do you ever regret it? Loving her I mean?'

The shake of his shoulders and the very slight shake of his head that she would have missed had she not been looking for it were her only answers. She stole herself for a moment to prepare herself for the answer to her next question, knowing it was probably better not to ask but needing to anyway, knowing she wouldn't leave him no matter the answer but needed to know.

'And Doctor... If you had to, to be able to get her back, what would you sacrifice? The TARDIS? a whole planet? ... Me?

He looked up at her then and his face was the absolutely picture of misery. His eyes were red and there were tear tracks of both of his cheeks, mouth set in a hard line as the corners of his eyes quivered in the effort of keep themselves from clenching shut tightly and never open again.

He looked her straight in the eye and for a moment everything stopped. Fire sparked in his eyes and they shifted with a feral, terrifying power she had never seen before. She backed up a step in fear as she suddenly understood with clarity why he was called the Oncoming Storm.

And the word that came out of his mouth had her transfixed for a minute, before he lowered his gaze and seemed to release her from some type of trance. She turned and fled, heavy footfalls echoing with his sobs in the TARDIS' metal corridors as his one word echoed all around her head, never to be forgotten.

'Anything.'

**A/N For those who reviewed for the first chapter I'm so very sorry this took so long but I completely forgot this fic. even existed :p Hope this was up to standard and you all liked it!**

**Next up: Forget, as requested.**

**Am still open to requests if you have a specific one you want to see after regret, let me know!**

**Please review!**

**Thanks for reading,  
Metal.**


	3. Forget

**A/N So glad you guys liked the second chapter and I'm suddenly inspired to write more of these so here you go, a quick update! :D**

**Summary: FORGET Imagine if Donna didn't have to get her mind wiped. This is set a little bit after the beach scene when Rose and the duplicate Doctor were left to live their lives. Now the real Doctor is traveling with Donna but she's worried because he's acting different. Then suddenly, it all gets better.**

**Disclaimer: I own no rights to Doctor Who, no matter how much I want to.**

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**FORGET**

Donna sat in the captains seat, her eyes tracking the man in front of her.

His steps were fast and energetic, his hands moved with enthusiasm and glee. Cheerful babble filled the air as he explained in a way no human could follow the planet they were next going to.

Something was very wrong.

It had been two weeks, or somewhere around that as time is almost impossible to keep track of inside the TARDIS, since that horrible day when the Earth was almost destroyed and the Doctors world was once again ripped apart.

He had to watch as within minutes all the people he considered his friends walked away from him and back to their real lives, a pain he usually only had to deal with one at a time was multiplied and thrown at him with such force she could see him begin to crumble even before they reached the beach.

But then the beach came and he was forced to convince the only woman he had ever loved to stay behind and have a happy life without him. Because they both knew that the other Doctor wasn't him exactly and she had watched from the background as they had shared a last look before Rose had turned to his clone, a look that spoke of understanding on her part, of why he had to leave her there with _him; _agony, because they both knew neither would be truly happy again.

Rose, even though her life would drastically improve as compared to the last few year and she would learn to love this new Doctor, would forever feel the hurt and betrayal of being left behind even though she understood it, and the guilt of living and loving another while she knew her Doctor would travel on, alone except for his one companion that could never quite be what he really needed.

And the Doctor; even though his life would continue with the travelling and he would always have his TARDIS, and now Donna, he was back to where he began those years ago, heartbroken and now with even less hope as something even more than the walls of the universe dividing them.

And so for the two weeks they had been traveling he had been doing everything it seemed, to take his mind off those events. The trips they took got more and more dangerous and the Doctor got more and more careless, coming back to the TARDIS with an array of injuries and disappearing into the infirmary for hours at a time, refusing her help.

About a week in when she truly started fearing for his injuries she scolded him for not allowing her to help him and for the first time she saw the Time Lord rage inside him. A manic, half insane look crossed his face and he screamed at her that he didn't deserve her help, nor anyone's and that if he died the world would be better off.

The conversation shook her to her bones and ever since the TARDIS had descended in near total silence… until today.

Donna gaped at him as his hands moved over levers and buttons and he cracked some sort of joke, his laughter ringing out around the room.

This had been going on since she had awoken . At first she thought it to be a mask, that he was attempting to now hide his real feelings from her to avoid any more screaming matches or re-emergence's of the Oncoming Storm. Now she wasn't so sure.

She had seen him watching a hologram once, a long time ago, just after she had started traveling with him. It was a simple thing, just the Doctor prancing around the console with a large grin on his face while Rose sat exactly where she was now. She remembered the Doctor stopping his tirade as Rose giggled at one of his more insane ideas and he smiled warmly at her, pausing in his "flying" of the TARDIS to lean over and plant a playful kiss on the blonde girls cheek.

That was how he was now, exactly the same. There was no faking, no sadness but for a deep weariness in his eyes and the constant air of self-deprecation that came as the consequence of having to destroy his own planet.

She should have been happy, but she wasn't. He had done something. Something terrible and unforgivable.

She wracked her brain trying to think of what could have such an effect on a Time Lord, her expanded mind rushing through thousands of options in a few seconds.

And as he bounded once more she saw it. It was just the tiniest glimmer of something attached to his neck behind his ear, a word inscribed on that something but it being too small and dark for her to read.

Donna gasped and stood abruptly, marching towards him with a stormy look on her face.

He stopped and looked at her, confused, running a hand through his already mussed hair like he knew he was in trouble, but didn't know for what.

'Donna? What's the matter?'

She grabbed his arm and yanked it slightly to the side, leaning up so she could see the plastic square stuck to his skin.

'Forget.' She whispered, her eyes scrunching closed in horror, though she couldn't bring herself to be angry with him.

'What was that?' His eyebrow rose and he watched her apprehensively. 'Donna are you feeling alright?'

Without answering his question she looked into his eyes, the carefree expression there almost more than she could bare. 'Doctor, what happened two weeks ago?' He only stared at her like he thought perhaps she had gone mad. 'Just tell me spaceman,' she demanded.

'We saved 27 planets and the rest of the universe for that matter, from the Daleks. Donna, what's this all about?'

She sighed and fought the frustrated tears that welled in her eyes.

'Doctor, how did we do it?'

He opened his mouth to answer but shut it again, brows scrunching before he met her eyes and his expression cleared once more. 'I-… Does it matter? You know, it's all wibbley-wobbley, timey-wimey Donna, honestly what's going on?'

And yet again she ignored his question. She looked down at the grating beneath their feet and swallowed, knowing she needed to ask even though she already knew the answer.

'Doctor, who did you travel with before me?'

He shrugged this time, figuring he might as well answer her questions as he wasn't going to get his answer until he did. 'Martha.'

Donna nodded. 'Right, and before that?'

Her face fell even more when he thought for a second then shrugged. 'No one. There was the Time War and then I traveled by myself for a while and then I picked up Martha on the moon with the Judoon platoon.' He grinned down at her as if expecting her to appreciate the joke and frowned when she merely turned away from him, fingers wiping at her eyes for some unknown reason.

She turned back a moment later, her voice shaky as she spoke this time. 'Doctor, who's Rose?'

'Rose? I dunno, it's a very common name. Though the only Rose I've ever come across was a florist! A florist can you believe it?' He giggled lightly while Donna's stomach rolled and she suddenly felt very sick.

'Doctor, just stop. Rose. Rose Tyler… You don't know who that is?'

He merely shook his head this time, though the shake was just a fraction too quick and he turned back to the rotor, working more frenzied than before. She watched as his hand absentmindedly came up to rub at his neck, right where that god-forsaken bit of plastic was, as if trying to rub it into his very skin. But then his hand fell, as if he felt nothing there and continued working.

She opened her mouth but words refused to come out. She shook her head to herself. She couldn't do it. She couldn't shatter this perfect little illusion he had made for himself and force him back to being the shattered, nearing suicidal Doctor he was now.

She muffled out some kind of excuse and ran from the room, entering hers in a minute flat and slamming the door behind her, tears falling over her cheeks because now what was going to happen? Was it going to last forever and she just had to pretend? Should she let it last forever or did she need to take his whole world away from him yet again?

She opened her eyes and they found purchase on something atop her neatly made bed that didn't belong. She walked forwards and picked up the same square of black backing that had two lines of white inked across it and she let out a breath.

_Strength: Level 1_

_Lowest strength available. Chemicals effects will fade in exactly 24 hours_

She sat quietly, not knowing what to do or think. She found some comfort in the fact that the Doctor still had enough of his right mind to not only allow this to go on too long, though in her mind any was too long since it would hurt him even more when the effects wore off, but also that he had obviously left this here for her to find, to let her know it wouldn't be long and he wanted her to leave him be till it was over. At least he cared enough to make sure she understood.

She sighed and made her decision. They would have an adventure today, a nice one without any life or death situations, no running, just Donna and the Doctor, travelling together, happy.

And that night as she left the console room she paused, wondering if she should go back in when she heard a gasp and then a sob coming from the room, followed by the sound of someone falling to their knees on the grating.

Tears fell from her eyes but she knew there was nothing she could do and knew the Doctor would want to mourn alone. She didn't know how he was going to be tomorrow; better, worse or the same but for the first time since the whole mess had happened he was grieving for Rose and the life they would never have together.

So she walked away from him, trying not to break down herself as his quiet sobs echoed slightly in the corridors.

**A/N I know… I'm depressing, but what can I say, it's just what I'm good at writing! I will be doing some that end happily though so never fear! Some good ideas are coming from your guys reviews so keep it up!**

**Next up is… a surprise! :D**

**Please review with what you thought and suggestions for other moods you want to see**

**Review!**

**Thanks,  
Metal.**


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